Say Yes to Desire

Someone once pointed out to me that saying yes to desire is inherently dangerous, as if we’d all turn into bank robbing animals if we were to act from desire.

I could feel the utter lack of self-trust and fear behind her theory. It was painful and disturbing because I could also remember having the same kind of fear. I used to be unwittingly afraid of Desire too for a long time in the past.

But I know better now.

I know now that I was trained to be afraid of my desires.

Because my desires do make me dangerous.

Dangerous because of what inevitably starts to crumble the second I start saying yes to desire.

The version of me that says “Yes” to desire is the version of me that says “No” to the patriarchy.
“No” to people taking advantage of me.

“No” to allowing a toxic society and culture to treat my body like a workhorse and like a machine.

Your desires - your deep desires - the ones that come from your soul - are a gift.

They are power.

They are your compass.

They make you who you really are.

They show you why you’re here.

And when we forget who we really are, Desire is the source of divine breadcrumbs back home to ourselves and our purpose.

So no. Following desire won’t turn you into a bad human.

Following desire looks like this:

Picking up the bouqet of flowers at the grocery store with the same carefree energy with which you pick up eggs, bread, and milk.

Walking into a travel agency and booking a trip to Paris - just because you felt like it.

Creating a new program in your business just to honor what is on your heart.

Taking a walk in the middle of a “work day” because the weather is particularly nice.

It can look messy too.

It can look like letting the people you love figure out their own problems instead of constantly coming to the rescue.

It can look like raising your standards and losing your entire circle of friends in the process.

It can look like grief and anger as you reflect back on all the years you’ve worked yourself into the ground for pitiful results and a half-lived life.

If we’ve been disconnected from ourselves for a long time and following scripts and voices that are not our own, we get into a very grey place where we’ve convinced ourselves that we need to lock desire away in a box and suffer first before we can say yes to what we truly want.

We need to “wait”.

We need to “earn it”.

We need to “deserve it”.

All before we can say, “This is who I am and this is what I want.”

We put ourselves through years, even decades, of being something we’re not, pursuing things we don’t want and hoping that if we pay our dues long enough, then someday, someone will finally tell us that we’ve done enough.

That we are enough.

And this is where it gets messy. Because separating lies from truth is messy. Separating the truth of who you are from all the ways you’ve learned to cope and survive and perform is messy.

Let it be messy.

Trying to keep everything together in neat and tidy boxes is just another coping mechanism.
Your higher self lets things fall apart so that you can pick up the pieces that feel like divine breadcrumbs and leave the rest behind.

Your higher self picks up each piece and is able to say:

“This piece feels like desire. It’s coming with me.”

“This piece feels like the patriarchy. I refuse to carry it any longer.”

“This piece feels like an old wound. I will feel this pain and let it dissolve in the truth of who I am.”

“This piece feels like the 5 year old in me. I will hold her and make her feel safe.”

“This piece feels like society’s script. I will burn it and write my own.”

Can you let it be messy?

Can you let it all fall apart?

The next time you come across a bouquet of flowers, can you bring yourself to buy it, take it home, set it on your kitchen table in the sunshine, and appreciate it every day?

And when it dies, can you buy another one?

And then when that one dies, can you buy another?

Can you pick up the piece that says: “My joy matters. I deserve to feel good. I deserve these simple pleasures. I don’t need to earn this. I already deserve it. My desire is reason enough.”?

And slowly over time, the voices that want you to believe otherwise… you’ll finally leave them behind because those voices aren’t yours. They never were.

This is what it takes.

This is the work.