Coaching Call Q&A: On Friction, Fear, Femininity, and Designing a Softer Life
You’re getting a taste of our Tea Parties
Every month in Say Yes to Desire, we get on a call and let the conversation go wherever it needs to go. Here are some of the questions that came up on our June 2026 call — and the answers that came through.
Q: You've started building your own tools instead of relying on other software. Why?
I got tired of fighting friction. Every time I tolerated a clunky or bloated app, I could feel it pruning years off my life. And I'm so grateful I live in a time where I can just make my own thing instead.
Once I understood my ADHD, I realized all my obsession with ease was really me quietly building coping mechanisms — and they work whether or not you have ADHD. So now I'm leaning all the way in. If something creates unnecessary friction, I create an easy peasy solution.
Q: How do you decide which of your "weird" needs to honor?
I've stopped arguing with them, and that alone has been a relief. I sit on the floor to eat and work now, because chairs make me feel suspended. I gave away my couch, took the legs off the dining table, and we haven't missed any of it.
For a long time my body was waiting for it to feel safe to honor my own brain instead of masking to be pleasing to other people. Now I get to say: I don't care how weird the need is, I'm going to meet it. And maybe that's permission for you, too.
Q: What do you do when you're bored or overstimulated at an event?
I let myself leave, and I've made real peace with it. If I'm bored, I'm done; if I'm overstimulated, I'm done. I used to push through, but I've gently rewired that.
Clear It or Release It
Q: Is there a simple daily practice for all of this?
There is, and it's small enough to actually keep. At some point in your day, sit down, look back over the last few hours, and challenge yourself to name five things that would have made those hours easier. For example, I had to go hunting for toothpaste this morning, so "buy toothpaste" went on the list.
By doing this, you're slowly eradicating dysfunction and designing a life that nourishes your brain instead of grinding it down. I really do believe that this practice could add years to your life.
Q: You talk about "seasons" of business. What does that actually mean?
We're cyclical beings, and so are our businesses — spring for new ideas, summer for finishing and tending, autumn for marketing, winter for rest. So much business advice came from men who don't work this way, and now so many women are forcing themselves to operate like mini men.
So please don't feel like you have to grind at a desk eight hours a day forever. It's go hard, then coast, then rest — and the real skill is noticing when a season is over so you can build fresh momentum in the next one.
Q: How do you stop fear from running the show when you want to make a change?
I make it safe in my body first, before I do anything else. Whatever you're resisting is usually where the dysfunction is hiding, so I go look at the worst case scenario and name it out loud: it is safe in my body to [insert fear here].
Example: It is safe in my body for someone I love to be having a hard time.
Once you accept the worst case and make it feel safe, all the controlling and contorting you've been doing to prevent it starts to dissolve on its own. You get to stop playing a role and start being honest — because the role was only ever there to protect you.
Q: How do you stay yourself in a male-dominated or "masculine" environment?
You don't have to contort yourself to fit it. When you actually show up as a woman in your feminine, the environment tends to orient itself around you. I've been loving the Lord of the Rings cast interviews lately and there’s one where the actors describe how the whole set would shift the moment Cate Blanchett or Liv Tyler walked in — everyone rose to their best form.
We carry this belief that we have to mask and force to survive in those rooms, but there's almost always more agency available than we're claiming. (If this is your edge right now, Masculine in Relationship by G.S. Youngblood is the book I'd put in your hands.)
Q: You call podcasting "emotional hygiene." What do you mean?
I think of it like brushing your teeth — a small thing you do to stay clear. The whole practice is just: I have something I want to say, I can say it out loud, and I can press publish. I've done over a hundred episodes, and I've never once done it from "who is this helping?" — only from "I have something to say."
If you can't feel safe having a thought and speaking it out loud, that lack of safety quietly becomes the ceiling everything else in your business runs into. Keep that channel clear and your writing, your videos, your conversations all start to flow more easily too. Even if no one were listening, I'd still have a podcast practice.
Q: How much of yourself should you give to a job that isn't yours?
Your best energy belongs to your business, not to a company that doesn't belong to you. If there's nothing in writing promising you'll be rewarded for caring beyond your role, you're allowed to stop caring beyond your role. Get in, do your work, get your paycheck, and keep your real energy for your own thing.
And if you need the job right now, that's okay — just use it on purpose. Figure out exactly what role you want your job to play in your life, and let it free up the capacity to build your business on the side. Your business isn't coming to rescue you — you come to your rescue, and the job is simply the tool that carries you to the next season.
The through-line: So much of what's draining you is friction you were trained to tolerate — the boring event, the draining job, the chair that makes your skin crawl, the thought you won't say out loud. The practice is gently refusing to keep tolerating it: honoring your real needs, protecting your real energy, working in seasons instead of grinding year-round, and making the scary thing safe in your body before it gets to run you.
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